You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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