The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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