Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
