I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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