i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
