i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
