Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sober January is a disaster.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
