Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
