Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
