she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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