omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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