Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize