I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
