You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
