oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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