The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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