Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
