I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
