My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
