I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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