he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
