I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
