she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
