so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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