so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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