He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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