All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
