at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This house was built for laser tag.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
