just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
