He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
