Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
