James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize