I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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