I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
