I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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