Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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