I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
