im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
