I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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