wat bout pragnant strippers??
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
