We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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