I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
