ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize