you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
