I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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