Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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