How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
