i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
