Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
