Welp...herpes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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