Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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