im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
