When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize