My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I looked at my own cervix.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
