some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Still dying that you shit outside
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
