His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
