He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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