he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
