I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
