Ambien. No doubt about it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
