The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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