that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
