I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
