so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I still have a little drunk in my system
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
