I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
