You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
