This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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