Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
