Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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