there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
