ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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