One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
