it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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