My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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