im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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