how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Houston, we have a blender
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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