I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
