Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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