so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
