Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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